Zuck Mucks with Your Brain
Welcome to Wednesday, futurists.
What a week for the simulation hypothesis. Meta's reading our thoughts now 🧠(80% accuracy!), Nike's rewriting the rules of embodiment with SKIMS, and Jeep owners can't escape pop-ups even in their $75,000 rolling smartphones.
The digital and physical worlds aren't just colliding anymore—they're having an identity crisis.
And maybe they should? Because AI isn’t just coming for your job; according to Alex Greifeld, it’s taking away reasons for you to leave your house.
—Phillip
P.S. We’re throwing our very first big bash at Shoptalk Spring 🎉 Join us and 100 of our closest friends at Rivea! To get in, you must be a member of Future Commerce Plus or a qualified retailer... Join us for the most sophisticated crowd in Vegas during Shoptalk: RSVP Now.
Late Stage Car-pitalism. Stellantis unveils plans to generate $20B in annual revenue through automotive advertising dystopia, as Jeep owners report their dashboards transforming into rolling billboards [Note: Fortune.com has its fair share of popups]. The automotive giant's "captive audience strategy" gives new meaning to being taken for a ride, while owners question if they're driving the car or the car is driving consumption. The real punchline? The pop-up is for an extended warranty.
The Shoe Must Go On. Steve Madden acquires British luxury shoe brand Kurt Geiger for $360M, adding upscale flair to its shoe closet. The deal marks another step in Madden's masterplan to become the Pac-Man of premium footwear, gobbling up brands faster than you can say "platform heel."
Bezos's Berlin Wall Moment. In a move that has hell checking its temperature, Amazon experiments with directing shoppers to external websites through their shopping app. The eCommerce titan's surprising pivot from "Hotel California" to "Open Sesame" suggests even walled gardens need windows.
Swoosh Meets Smoosh. Kim Kardashian announces the groundbreaking NikeSKIMS is a new womens’ brand launching in Spring 2025, promising performance wear that sculpts while you sweat. The mashup marries Nike's technical prowess with SKIMS' body-conscious design philosophy.
Our Take: Nike’s in a slump, and they hired KimK to turn things around. Based on the 3% dip to Lululemon’s stock on the news, it might just work. This brand transcends the typical "collab culture," signaling Nike's admission of its women's market blindspot and SKIMS' ascension to a legitimate technical apparel player.
What makes this particularly fascinating is the cultural calculus at play. SKIMS, rather than going public, is bifurcating its brand through partnership. Nike, the arbiter of athletic authenticity for half a century, effectively admits that their understanding of the female consumer has been filtered through a testosterone-tinted lens. By partnering with SKIMS, they're not just accessing Kardashian's consumer base – they're acknowledging that the future of performance wear must be built on a foundation of body-inclusive design philosophy rather than retrofitted men's templates.
The market has responded wildly, with Nike shares jumping 6.2% on announcement day, suggesting Wall Street recognizes this isn't just another celebrity collaboration – it's a fundamental reimagining of how athletic brands can serve the female consumer.
Binge. Watch. Binge Again. Netflix is making good on its content-to-commerce strategy with a permanent Vegas eatery called NETFLIX BITES at the MGM Grand, where "Stranger Things" meets strange wings and "Squid Game" challenges become culinary choices. The venture transforms passive consumption into participatory dining, with a menu like "Eleven's Fried Feast" from Stranger Things, and “Red Bite, Green Bite” from Squid Game. In 2025, content isn't just king—it's the entire dining service. View the full menu here.
Our Take: The drink list contains the most creative use of IP. “The Mind Flayer” is a “dark, brooding storm-electrified bourbon drink,” and the “Dalgona Rum Buzz” features coffee foam and a dalgona candy garnish (sans-needle).
Food Fight! Uber launched a lawsuit against DoorDash over alleged strong-arm tactics, claiming that the rival would threaten merchants with algorithmic exile if they dared partner with Uber Eats. The battle for delivery supremacy as almost as ugly as the two-week-old shwarma bowl I forgot in the fridge.
Sparkling Water Dreams Go Flat. PE firm Next in Natural swoops in to acquire venture-backed Aura Bora, the sparkling water startup that raised $22M chasing La Croix-sized ambitions. The exit serves as a sobering reminder that even the bubbliest beverage dreams can pop when reality bites, and margin pressures mount.
Mind over Meta. Meta revolutionizes human-computer interaction with technology decoding thoughts to text at 80% accuracy using non-invasive interfaces. The technique could revolutionize healthcare for people who have experienced traumatic brain injury. The development, celebrated by technophiles and dreaded by everyone else with a brain, suggests Zuck isn't content just reading our messages: now he's reading our minds.
UK Pivots from Safety to Security. Britain's AI governance body rebrands from "Safety" to "Security" Institute, marking a linguistic shift from theoretical hand-wringing to practical threat assessment. The move suggests even bureaucrats have realized contemplating AI's existential risks becomes moot if we can't keep it from hacking our power grid.
Crypto Bets on AI Shopping Sprees. Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong envisions a future where AI agents manage crypto wallets and shopping carts, announcing a future integration between Coinbase Commerce and artificial shoppers. The development promises to automate both spending and buyers' remorse in one elegant solution.
“Creatures Beyond Imagination.” Los Angeles Project (L.A.P.) launches with an audacious mission to create a new kingdom of life, promising designer creatures that would make Hieronymus Bosch blush. “We are bringing life itself under human design,” says co-founder Josie Zayner. “Unicorns, dragons, & creatures beyond imagination, if evolution won’t make them, we will.”
Our Take: If they can make dragons, can they also fix the final season of Game of Thrones?
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